Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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