The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
