The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
