I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
