i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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