I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Randomize
