Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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