Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
