dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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