Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
