Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
