So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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