She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
