3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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