Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
