Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
