maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
