Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
