so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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