It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
