4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
