Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize