Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
