My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
