I just made out with a guy for $7.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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