yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
