Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
