she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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