Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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