Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
