well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
