he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
