Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
