I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize