Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
