Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
