What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
