just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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