There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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