i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize