I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
