Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
