Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
