we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
