Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
