Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize