No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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