Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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