what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
