Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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