God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize