I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
