omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can I color on your dick again?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
