dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
