i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize