he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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