I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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