New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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