Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
