I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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