I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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