I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
