You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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