You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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