i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
