he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize