drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
