porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
