Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
