Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
