hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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