Sponge bath it is.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
