but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
